It is ugly ending a long term relationship. Really hard. Finding “the one” is what you probably hoped for when you were getting married. You have probably thought that happily ever after was never promised to you. It does not always take two to tango. It gets hard to push away feelings of anger, fear grief, and even resentment.
Factors that Foster a Divorce
- Lack of Commitment
- Substance Abuse
- Marrying to Young
- Financial Constrains
- Domestic Violence
- Conflict and arguing
Here are some of the things nobody told you about divorce:
Divorce is damn ugly
I bet things are not going as intended. Losing the love of our lives is not easy. You are not just ending a relationship you are losing a part of yourself. Part of your existence, what you have familiarized yourself with is gone. It is absolutely okay not to be okay with that.
What is our intended future? Will our children have to go through what I went through? Finding someone to confide in someone to share your thoughts with is a long stride to progress. It is okay not to be okay.
All your problems do not just disappear
You definitely have to deal with your Ex. Particularly if there are children involved. Remember that whatever irked you about your partner does not just disappear once you get a divorce.
More often after you split the intensity of the buttons they triggered increase. It takes practice. Practice to let go of love once felt. It is, after all, easier said than done.
A divorce is not a failure
It will always be worth it to take a risk of love. Investing time and energy on someone will always count for something. The success of a relationship is not gauged by how long it lasted. Circumstances change. People most definitely will change. It might not always be in the line of our thought process and ideologies.
The beauty of it is accepted that at that particular time and state of mind, it was all you wanted. Always be thankful for the time in your lives when your stars are aligned.
Divorce Divides Businesses
Marriage is more than sharing your entire lives and spending time together. Married couples share everything. ultimately they share their experience and finances. If your marriage fails, chances are you will have to divide all of your businesses in half- Absolute Community Property.
You might have to buy out utilities loaned and assets under a joint account. Your intellectual property will also be affected- A trademark or Patent. divorce will split everything with monetary value.
You Have No Control of your Partners Response
The more awareness you have of what you are currently experiencing, the better capacity you will have of stopping it. Likely this will bring them shame. People have different reactions to shame. There are no heights your partner won’t reach to protect themselves from it. Its basic human nature.
They might be cruel. They might criticize your decision. Probably accuse you of acting irrationally. This is retaliation by trying to shrink you. They will get angry. They will try to control you. You are not out of control. More like out of their control. No longer under their influence- and that’s beautiful. It smells a lot like freedom.
You are your children's Role Model
No matter how manipulative, toxic, nasty, your partner was, how you react to the divorce will go a long way in shaping your children’s opinion on relationships. Teach them that even grownups sometimes get sad.
Teach them that sometimes love is just not sufficient. They will see that sometimes life gets hard and complicated. Teach them that the greatest lessons in life come from the hardest situations. Whatever the pitfall, a rise will always follow.
The Real Work Has Just Begun
You need to heal. Unhappiness comes from the disconnect of what we expect and what we have. If your Ex is really despicable they will be relentless to win at any cost. We all have within us to face the trials and tribulations to throw our way. The courage and wisdom to deal with the challenges. Trust this.
When you put yourself on the right path, good things are bound to happen. Be who you are and give the true power to battle it out for you.
Distinguish between Solitude and Loneliness
It is your sole responsibility to learn how to be alone. You are now free from the feeling of separation from being with the wrong partner. Once you fight through the experience of loneliness, you will see the beauty of solitude. It is not an option to go back to your partner. No matter how rough it gets. Allow yourself to grow and achieve the life you deserve and desire.
You might feel like divorce is a sin. That marriage is a spiritual bond formed by God. Taking care of your children, and protecting your rights and inheritance is not a sin. breaking free from an oppressive relationship is no earthly sin.